


Realizing your mistakes.

by rasiel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Incest, Incest Mention, M/M, Realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 06:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1595498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rasiel/pseuds/rasiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He is yours.<br/>Yours and no other.<br/>No one else can have him.<br/>You love him.<br/>He is yours.</p><p>Or?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Realizing your mistakes.

You can hear his voice echo in your head like a ballad that plays on repeat, and for a second you swear that he could’ve been standing there in front of you. With eyebrows furrowed you try to look around the room but you notice that something is off, the walls are black, the roof is black and your furniture grayscaled, the whole place is black and white. Blink once, blink twice. You are still in the same place with voices echoing like voices in a vally. Why won’t they leave you alone?  
You can see his face in front of you, his thumb and index finger rubbing lightly over the bridge of his nose. Somehow you can see his eyes through the pair of shades, and you see the look of annoyance. You are no longer in the livingroom but in his study, where you never were allowed to be.  
Walking up to him on steady steps, you try to grab a hold of his arm but you slide right through him, and that is when you notice all of it. The clothes he is wearing, the sound of your door slamming on the other side of the apartment. This isn’t something that is happening in real life, you are in a state of remembering things. This event happened last week, you can see it on how deep the grayscale is on his burgundy tie that is close to black, the fact that his pants are just a little too big to fit around his waist and are held up by a brown yet worn out belt. This freezes you into a state where you stand completely still, not moving a muscle. Although you may have realised this little detail there are still many that you don’t understand, for example, why are you in Daves study? You never saw any of this, you hadn’t bothered to look at the cameras.

“I should never have started this..”  
Dave is speaking and it nearly throws you back and you have to bite down on your lip, because he’s talking about your relationship. And it builds boulders in your stomach to hear him say that.  
“He can’t actually believe that I will be able to show this off to the public, I mean isn’t it already enough that I have to deal with this guilt by myself? I don’t need people to put a stamp in my face that screams ‘pedophile’, like sure Dirk was 16 when we begun this but come on. They are going to make up stories about me having touched him as a child..”

You can see him shuddering in disgust at the thought, and so do you. It was never his fault that things turned out this way, it was all you trying to get more out of his attention. But you had noticed that it became more of a detachment than an attachment.  
“He can’t exactly think I am going to keep this up forever, can he? I mean it seems like he has all of our life planned out and it’s kind of.. weird,”  
Dave drags his fingers through his hair, leaning up against the other wall and slowly sliding down to the floor. It’s easy to see how horrible he must feel about all of this and you curse to yourself for not realising it even if he would pass you a glance to tell you to stop. Part of you always thought that he hated you when he pushed you away if you were too close in public or walk around with his hand in his pocket instead of holding yours.

He’s being so silent at this moment and your vision grows blurry, as if it’s zoning out to take you back but you plead to stay. But you are taken back, to the exact moment that your argument started and all that you hear is your past self talking in a cheerful tone and now that you stand in front of it you can see how far from comfortable that Dave is. 

“I spent most of today looking up different kinds of rings because you know, like most ladies out there I would want to get engaged at some moment. Something plain without too much sparkle though, so it could be almost passed off as regular jewelry.”  
His face is a frown but you know that past you can’t see it because of how he is seated, leaning on Dave with his back in the older mans direction. Daves adam’s apple is bobbing, and you can see that he is prepared to keep silent for most of the conversation which is also what is going to throw past you off the wall within the next five to ten minutes.

After a while you start registering only the body language, having closed out all of your words because he makes you feel uncomfortable. Soon you see how his eyebrows knit, how past you grits his teeth just slightly like you always do when you get upset about things. You begin to listen closely again to what he is about to say, because something tells you that it is important to learn from this.  
“Dave.”  
Past you turns around in his seat, staring daggers at past Dave and he seems a bit thrown back by it but he still tries his best to give him a reply, careful words being used.  
“...You know we can’t get engaged, Dirk, we are related.”

The look on past you’s face is anger, maybe disappointment like you had never thought about that before although you knew that you had a couple of times. You knew it was illegal and that he could go to jail for incest, rape and possible other felonies but you had forced that thought away from yourself because your love was obsessive. When you thought about it, you didn’t actually love him as much as you wanted to have him to yourself. You saw him as an object.  
“Ugh, I know it just as well as we don’t have to make it official, the public doesn’t have to know about it!”

Past Dave stands up, and he easily towers over past you even if he is just a couple inches taller than you are. His eyebrows are furrowed and he looks frustrated, it is even scarier to watch him from the side than it was to stand in front of him.  
“Dirk, I am not going to risk my career and my freedom just because YOU want me to tell the whole world that ‘hey my biggest interests are fucking the living shit out of my own kid, and I am currently dating him!”  
You watch as Dave then stomps away from past you, and he runs after but Dave is quick to slam the door before he can catch up with him.

The world gets censored and you disappear to an even earlier time and you know this because the two of you are sharing bed, and the calendar on Daves alarm clock says the exact date. It’s late September 2012, which is the first time you and Dave had slept together.  
Your eyes look down at the two of you and with a few involuntary steps over to Dave's side of the bed you can see that he hasn’t fallen asleep yet, he seems to be clinging onto his covers. His eyes are wide open, making him look incredibly regretful of what he has done. 

“It’s going to be alright Dave, you are doing this for the kid and not for yourself. It’s not going to turn into some long term relationship. Dirk is just lonely, of course he is. Come on you are going to be alright, no one has to know, and especially not Rose. You can keep stoic, it’s going to be alright. It’s going to be alright. You will be fine.”  
His mouth isn’t moving so you are assuming that you can hear what he is thinking, it doesn’t surprise you that you can because there has already been so many weird events today. 

Slowly everything begins to turn dark, slowly erasing everything that is around you and you open your eyes in time to hear the door open carefully downstairs. You know it’s because he just came home and is fearing that you are going to bring up the argument about the engagement again. Something you seem to have done a lot lately.  
With a sad sigh you sit up, and you smile to yourself because of the weird “dream” that now has made you realize what needs to be done. You slowly head to the door and open it carefully, beginning to walk towards the stairs and down them. For a second you can see Dave furrow his eyebrows a little.

“Hey bro, I think I need to talk to you about something.”  
There’s no hug and no kiss, and it seems to calm Dave down a little but it doesn’t make him proceed with any less caution when you lead him to the table in the kitchen and you sit down in front of him rather than beside to give him personal space. And as scared he is of conflict he tries his best to keep silent and it gets you to sigh softly because it would have been easier if the man dared to speak.

“Alright so I guess I realised something while you were at work today.”  
Dave seems to be a little impatient with you to get on with it when you suddenly get quiet after that one sentence.  
“And as much as I hate to admit it I’m going to say that I would rather just keep you as my bro, dad or whatever you are rather than my lover. I mean sure it’s been two years since we set this shit up but I can notice when you get uncomfortable. I guess I must have just ignored it.”

There’s a string of joy in Dave’s eyes, like a light of hope coming up for him and it warms up the sad feeling in your chest and gets you to continue talking.  
“I had you objectified in my head and was afraid to lose you to someone else since you are all I have ever had all of my life. Friends don’t count because you are my fucking parental figure and that is a big fucking difference. I can’t keep forcing you to be with me because I don’t want to see you disappear to jail just because I thought it was a good thing to scribble my name all over you like a child.”

You can see him stand up, which for a moment warns you that he might run off and hide somewhere again but instead he walks straight up to you and he takes you into his arms and holds you tight to his body.  
“Thank you Dirk, thank you so much.”

His voice is muffled by your shoulder and you put a hand behind his head to stroke his soft hair. And it warms you to hear him say that because although you can barely hear him, you hear that he is relieved and happy with what you had said.

And the only thing that matters right now is that your decision made him happy.


End file.
